


From a Place of Love

by Space_gays_that_arent_in_space



Series: As My Heart Breaks, I Long For You Even More [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Break Up Talk, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Past Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Pining, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Acceptance, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:40:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25946725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Space_gays_that_arent_in_space/pseuds/Space_gays_that_arent_in_space
Summary: Tendou threw his arms behind his head, trying to play it cool as he could. His anxiety hit a head then, and he practically forced the words out like they left him in pain.I’m in love with you, Wakatoshi.I know that, you’ve told me before TendouI know, but I wanted to tell you one more time. I also wanted to ask, do you feel similarly?No longer could Tendou feel that same giddy hope he did before when asking that question, instead he felt weight pressing further and further on to his chest, so badly that he was worried he’d end up crushed, and then, with Ushijima’s answer, that feeling of pressure dissipated.I’m sorry Tendou...but you know that I don’t
Relationships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Series: As My Heart Breaks, I Long For You Even More [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1799287
Comments: 10
Kudos: 48





	From a Place of Love

**Author's Note:**

> The end of the simp trilogy, lowkey I almost cried writing the end. Sorry that it's short!

His final match as a high schooler was something that Tendou had never been able to imagine until the day that it happened. After all, each match was its own personal paradise, and to imagine it all coming to an end would sully the experiences that he had waiting in front of him. That match was something else though, it inspired a feeling inside of Tendou that he hadn’t felt since he was a first year. There was such a nail biting anxiety, no longer was there the assured win that he had walked in holding, instead, he had a _challenge_. 

He had attended Shiratorizawa because of the strength the volleyball team displayed, they valued natural ability and didn’t require skills that were useless to someone who could rely on instinct alone. It was a school _made_ for someone like Satori. Now, he would have to move on, though that wasn’t to say the match against Karasuno was not a beautiful final hurrah. 

From those annoying first years to the third years who had obviously never expected to get this far, their desperate clawing to success was a magnificent performance that Tendou thought about until he returned home. He toed off his shoes by the door, not even checking if there was a note from his mother but instead turning on the bath. For a moment, he considered going through his drawer and getting out his weed, already plotting out what sort of text he would send Ushiwaka to get him to come over, but something stopped him. There was a feeling inside of him that made him come to a full pause. 

Volleyball was over, and though they had not graduated yet, Tendou knew that this little tryst of theirs would have to too. He knew that Ushijima was going to end up playing volleyball professionally, there was nothing else he would ever _want_ to do. He had been born and bred to play, and Tendou had simply played because he had been born. 

Slowly, he walked back to the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror. He didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life, who he wanted to become. He was already eighteen and had yet to even apply to any colleges. His mother had told him he could go where he wanted, do as he pleased, he just had to go to school. It wasn’t like there was anything too expensive for them anyway. He sighed, he knew that he had to at least mature somewhat, he couldn’t keep playing the Guess Monster, not if he wasn’t even going to keep playing volleyball. 

His thoughts came full circle, and he was back to thinking about Ushijima. Things between them would stop-had to stop. It wasn’t like all the times they had sex before had changed his mind about going out with Tendou, who was to say that this time would do anything? He stripped then, getting into the bathtub. This time, he felt the quiet curl of shame in his stomach as he looked at himself absent. Though his legs were still gangly, as were his arms, his thighs had those very same scars they always did, and his fingers were still just as beat up as before, he didn’t feel as disgusted as before. Nothing had changed about him physically, and yet the strange clarity their grand loss had brought upon seemed to make his body less monstrous, though there was of course the faint distaste he felt still lingering. 

He slid down in the tub, his thoughts a mess of _what ifs_ and _I need to.._ s, but they all kept circling back to Wakatoshi, and Tendou could not help but wonder if maybe he was the problem, if letting himself continue to be strung along like this would do anything but hurt him more. He would never be Oikawa, he knew that all too well, but the delusion that Ushijima would fall in love with him despite it had been naive and childish. He was an adult now, and he was going to act like it. 

He climbed out of his tub, wrapping a towel around his waist and quickly rushing to the kitchen to retrieve his phone. The volleyball groupchat was alight with messages from everyone, save for Ushiwaka, of course. For a moment, he considered ignoring the messages from Shirabu, Goshiki, and his other kouhai, but his heart wouldn’t allow it. He dropped a simple message that had always kept him comforted when he lost, though it had been a long time since he had. 

’ _There’s always the next match._ ’ 

Before he could even read what the others had to say to him, he texted Wakatoshi, asking him to come over. There was a sick feeling in his stomach, even if he was ending things, it was much harder to do it without any sort of assistance. He swallowed the stress down though, after all, what kind of man would he be if he couldn’t even confront his crush of three years? 

He paced to kill his waiting time, even though the clock seemed to tick by slower than he had thought possible. Every moment his phone buzzed, or it sounded like there was someone near the front door, he felt the hairs on his neck stand up, and, the longer that he waited, the more he knew that this really was the end. 

Ushijima arrived fifteen minutes after Tendou texted him, crowding the doorway as always. For a minute, Satori wondered if they should have one last hurrah, if this, too, could be their last time doing something like this, but the guilty feeling in his stomach only seemed to worsen at the thought. He couldn’t do something like that, it was too cruel-too evil. He wrung his hands, looking at Ushijima’s face once again. He was so handsome, always so so handsome, and so stupid. He couldn’t help but wonder if maybe, in some other world, there was the chance that the two of them were together, with no interference from that pretty brown haired setter. 

He sighed, waltzing over to the couch and letting himself fall shapelessly on to it. Wakatoshi was watching, and only followed after Satori patted the spot beside him. He felt the couch shift with the extra near 200 lbs of weight added on to it. He drank up his last looks at his dear friend, there would undeniably be a shift in their dynamic after tonight, he knew that, and he wanted to postpone it, but he knew that things couldn’t go on like this anymore. Tendou sighed, giving Wakatoshi a tired smile, but before he could say anything, Ushijima spoke. 

_Is something wrong?_

Tendou threw his arms behind his head, trying to play it cool as he could. His anxiety hit a head then, and he practically forced the words out like they left him in pain. 

_I’m in love with you, Wakatoshi._

_I know that, you’ve told me before Tendou_

_I know, but I wanted to tell you one more time. I also wanted to ask, do you feel similarly?_

No longer could Tendou feel that same giddy hope he did before when asking that question, instead he felt weight pressing further and further on to his chest, so badly that he was worried he’d end up crushed, and then, with Ushijima’s answer, that feeling of pressure dissipated. 

_I’m sorry Tendou...but you know that I don’t_

It was strange, that feeling of freedom instead of tragedy. Every single time that came before Tendou had been heartbroken, crushed, utterly destroyed, and now he couldn’t be happier. As he looked at Ushijima, he couldn’t help but wonder if maybe he'd stopped being in love with his best friend, but he knew that that wasn’t true. He knew that he loved Ushijima just as much as he always had, the only thing that had changed was that he had finally come to terms with the fact that he would never feel similarly, and that was okay. 

_I don’t think we should have sex anymore._

_Okay._

_You know, you’re my best friend, Wakatoshi._

_I feel….the same._

**Author's Note:**

> Hi kudos, comments, etc are greatly appreciated and there is a 99% chance that if you comment I'll reply.
> 
> @tamyura_on twt  
> @porcelain_babies on insta


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